A Flag for Nando House

At the age of 41, fate and circumstance had willed that I be a very wealthy person, much wealthier than most any I knew in my circles. Me and my wife together enjoyed a huge bungalow surrounded by orchards in a green Northern Himalayan town, an apartment that few of the wealthiest can afford in New Delhi, all manner of household goods, servants, gold, silver or what have you. The wealth had come to us through three sources, first were our own wealthy families that had pampered us a lot and showered us with gifts, secondly because we both worked and made the wise choice of going in for a purchase of the apartment in Delhi when it was affordable, I had done some well paid professional assignments, in fact five years of it abroad. I was a competent and sought after professional not just in India but in other countries too.

But the Lord above leads one he loves through mysterious adventures in their journey through life.

All of a sudden in May of 1991 I became a near destitute. How did that come about you may ask? Well my lovely wife had filed for divorce in a surprise move out of the blues in the summer of 1988. We shall not go into the reasons for that divorce here for this note is about a flag. The two families met once again to discuss the matter, as they had to arrange our marriage. It was concluded that if my wife wished for a divorce, filing for it in an Indian Court would result in years of torment for all concerned, most of all our two sweet daughters. If she remained adamant on divorce then the best path forward was what is known as a mutually agreed divorce where both parties agree to dissolve the marriage. The process may take a mere six months. The parties could further discuss and agree upon the future upbringing of daughters until they were adults. Both my daughters were under ten years of age then. The mutual divorce petition was filed in a Jaipur family court.

We were fortunate that the Judge who oversaw the matter was a wise, compassionate and learned one. He discussed the matter with both of us at length. The divorce that should have happened in six months took around two years. At the end, it was decided that I shall relinquish claim to both our homes along with everything they contained in return for my former wife giving me considerable access to children with even the possibility of me taking them under my full care if it was felt they were being neglected under hers. My giving up rights to all properties and possessions was not an altruistic move. It was an attempt to do best by our lovely daughters as well as arrive at a one-time settlement on all financial matters rather than a life long drag many a divorced couple faces.

I was still young with pending offers of well paying jobs abroad; it would not be difficult to earn enough for my own survival in the years ahead. Moreover, my family was a wealthy one and there were prospects of an inheritance ahead, plus. We were joint owners of a family home in New Delhi that had been usurped by an occupant at the time. Litigation was on to get it released. It was a losing property at that time but was not expected to remain that way forever.

Thus in May of 1991 I was divorced with just about a suitcase of possessions as would fit in a travel bag and a little money in bank for my immediate needs. I had no job at the time of divorce because it had to be given up abroad to focus on divorce and bring an end to that matter.

My financial woes began soon after. My father had had enough of all this and said he would not like me to bring my daughters to his home and my best future course was to forget about them and migrate off to America or Canada. This was unacceptable to me. How could I forget my daughters. The need arose to create a home of my own in India, a shelter with utmost urgency.

I held a piece of land on the then wild outskirts of Jaipur city and rushed to examine it. The city had approved plans to convert the area into a well developed residential neighbourhood in future but at that time it was just abandoned farms of an era gone by with wild flowers, weeds and tall grasses as far as the eye could see, with just a few scattered homes visible in the distance in all four directions, but there were corner pillars to mark our lots. I decided then and there that if this is what the Lord has willed for me, this is the spot I would build a shelter. With the money I had then, I even managed to construct one ramshackle room in a corner with a kitchenette and bathroom.

By 1993, I had earned more money from a scientific assignment in Canada to build a home on it. The entire family opposed it, except one person, my mother. She encouraged me to go ahead and although she could not provide any financial support towards it because father had ordered her not to, she provided much moral support. By December 1993, I had a pretty home standing on the spot. It was pretty to look at from outside but there was no furniture or anything else that one needs to live inside at the time and no more money left to buy some. That needed more work. My mother offered some of her saris to make curtain off to begin with so that the space indoor would have privacy and shade form the sun through its large windows.

My problems began soon after. My former wife who had given me free access to the children until then suddenly changed her stance and refused to provide me access. Therefore I stayed back in this home rather than joining an assignment abroad from 1993 to 1998 to pursue access to children through various means including the courts. This last attempt was not successful because one needs money to pursue matters in court and I had none then.

It was the life of a hermit because there was little money even for food leave alone things like a TV or phone that is a necessity. I had become a pauper and leaves of weeds and trees my vegetables to survive.

However, there were positive outcomes to this apparently hermit phase of my life. It was a stage of greatest spiritual development for me. With my professional skills, I was also able to organize early settlers into a development society that set a process in motion for this area to develop bit by bit into none of the most modern ones of North Western India. I gave names to dirt tracks, First Avenue, second avenue etc.

I returned to Professional work as a visiting Professor at IIT Delhi in October of 1998. With my spiritual development of the hermit phase of life I have been able to make a difference in many places around the world as the very many posts of this blog will illustrate if one browsed through them, not just for my children but also for thousands in distress in far way places. One may wonder why most contributions started after 2007 and not earlier. It was because I had taken to drinking soon after my mothers demise, a habit that persisted until 2007.

In the years ahead, the Lord filled my home with all manners of furniture and goods that any one might need in an urban home, But I did not throw away those original sari curtains when new drapes were installed. They were a gift of love and a precious possession. They were taken down, washed and stored as a family heirloom. After my mother passed away in 1999, I named my home after her – Nando House and some years later also put a flag up made with one of her sari pieces, the green one, that she loved most to wear when it was with her.

The original flag has disintegrated with time. Today I climbed up to the highest point in my home and put up a new one from another portion of the same Sari. It is a symbol of a mother’s love and when it flutters in the wind it says,

Money can buy you some things but love can get you everything.